Hands All Over
by kurtsontop
Summary: "And maybe if a play a little Maroon 5 I'll get cyber lucky."


**A/N: I LOVE MAROON 5 SO MUCH LET'S JUST GET THAT OUT THERE. I was listening to my playlist on the bus one morning after the 'tat and piercing incident' and HAO came on so I was kind of just wOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. So I actually did originally write this with Kurt's lisp incorporated. And then I realized how totally silly it looked so just read it in his lisp idk it seemed pretty goofy to me. ANYWAYS; I left the way he says Blaine's name with the slur because I felt like it needed to stay. Anywho, ****_reaction fics._**

"Are you okay? You usually call if you want to talk. It's not date night. Oh my God, I didn't miss an anniversary, did I? Did you see the video? Please say no. You're pre-divorcing me, aren't you? Oh God, I didn't want anybody to see that, it's so embarrassing, but it wasn't my fault. Please don't leave me."

Kurt was laughing. Why the hell was Kurt laughing?

_Blaine, shut up._

"What? Why are you typing? Is Rachel asleep? Did you lose your voice?"

_Blaine._

The younger boy's mouth snapped shut, head tilting the slightest bit in that ever inquisitive motion. Kurt was still snickering. Blaine had leaned forward in his chair so far that an inch in either direction would drop him on the floor. His eyes were wide, fingertips twitching in that way they did when he was anxious and wanted to run a hand through his hair, much to the gel's protest.

_Stop stressing, I just sound funny_.

Blaine's eyebrows scrunched together, lips pursing slightly. "Why would you sound funny? Did you strain something? And—Is that Maroon 5?" Kurt gave him a salacious grin, leaning his jaw into his hand.

_Maybe it is._

"Kurt," he cocked an eyebrow, "what did you do?"

_Just wanted to show you something_.

Blaine opened his mouth to speak at the same time Kurt dropped the shirt that, for some God forsaken reason, he hadn't noticed was unbuttoned. "What are yo—Oh my God, Kurt!" There was a shriek as Blaine's chair rolled out from underneath him followed by a light thud and a whine. "You got a _tattoo_? What does it say? Please don't tell me it says my name because even though that's so romantic it's also so _bad_ and irresponsible." Blaine dragged himself to his knees, hands scrabbling against the desk to grab his laptop before he fell back to the floor with a light 'umph'.

_I messed it up when I asked so it says something really stupid._

"What does it say?"

_It was supposed to say 'It Gets Better' and then I messed up (can you believe it?) and so it ended up saying 'It's Get Better'. So I went back and the guy fixed it for free._

Blaine let out a snort, one hand coming up to cover his mouth and stifle his giggles. "What does it say now?"

_'It's Got Bette Midler'…_

There was a high laugh as the dark haired boy turned slightly, eyes crinkling in that way that was just so _Blaine_. "Oh my God, and we _just_ saw 'Parental Guidance', too."

_Also something else._

"Wait, are you going to tell me why you're listening to Maroon 5? Because, although I'm not complaining, Hands All Over isn't a song I thought that you would listen to on your own time."

Kurt stuck out his tongue, silver bead glinting in the dim light from his lamp. "I can't talk, I sound so funny." His l's and s' slurred in the most awkward of ways, giving his words a heavy lisp.

"_Oh my God!_"

"Bwaine, are you okay? You look like you're going to pass out." Kurt was back to leaning against his hand, smiling sweetly at the camera, and still without his shirt.

"Have you ever got a boner so fast that it hurt because that just happened and I have a raging hard-on.." Blaine's pupils were blown, tongue peeking out to wet his lips. "Oh my God, _Kurt_."

"I hate to kill your boner, but I'm not allowed to engage in oral sex for six months." He tilted his head, giving a little wiggle of his shoulders. "And how many times can you say 'oh my God' before your head explodes because you've hit and passed the limit."

"I can't feel my legs.."

"Wow, this is really a thing for you, isn't it?" Kurt just stuck out his tongue, grinning as Blaine let out a choked off moan.

"_Kurt_."

"Bwaine."

"I'm going to fucking come in my pants. Like, right here, right now." The words were growled out in that gravelly tone that Blaine usually only got after he'd given a rather enthusiastic blow job. This was new.

"Feel free. I wouldn't mind watching at all. I would probably tell you how_awesome _it would feel on your—"

"Time and place, Kurt! I don't have ear plugs!" He turned to glare at the curtain that closed off his room.

"But you just told me.. Whatever. Sorry, babe. Looks like you get to take care of that alone. Maybe I'll call you so I can listen to your pretty, pretty moans." Kurt gave him a sly wink and then the call disconnected, leaving Blaine with a lap full of boner and a _lot_ of masturbation material.


End file.
